Resources

To Report:

Title IX

Visit webpage »
Teresa Grosskopf
She, Her, Hers
Compliance Coordinator
Title IX Coordinator, COVID Coordinator
Assistance to the Vice President for Finance & Administration
Phelps Smith Administration Building, 001
Office: (518) 327-6451
tgrosskopf@paulsmiths.edu

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Campus Safety

Anonymous reporting webpage »
Paul Smith’s College
PO Box 265
7777 NY RTE 30
Paul Smiths, NY 12970
Phone: (518) 327-6300
Fax: (518) 327-6250

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New York State Police

Erik W. Burnett
erik.burnett@troopers.ny.gov
Senior Investigator, Campus Sexual Assault Victims Unit
(315) 769-8406
(518) 527-9385
Senior investigator is trained in a trauma-informed approach and specializes in responding to sexual violence. If you want to pursue a criminal charge, he is a person to contact.

To Get Confidential Help:

On Campus

Counseling Center
Visit webpage »
(518) 327-6237
counselingcenter@paulsmiths.edu
Open M-W 8 a.m.-5 p.m., and after hours T-Th

Health Services
Visit webpage »
(518) 327-6358
Student Center 017
Can provide pregnancy tests, STD/STI tests, condoms, female condoms, birth control, prescriptions, plan B

Hotlines

Sexual Assault Services 24-hour hotline:
(877) 212-2323

Domestic Violence 24-hour hotline:
(888) 563-6904

NYS Police, non-emergency 24-hour hotline:
(844) 845-7269

Local Services

Stop! Domestic Violence »
24-hour hotline: (888) 563-6904
It should be noted that although this is a 24-hour service, it is not a call center, so it may take several minutes to be connected especially at off hours
Stop! Domestic Violence is also available to come to you

PPNCNY »
General number: (800) 230-7526
Sexual Assault Services: (518) 891-0046 ext. 366
41 St. Bernard St., Saranac Lake, NY 12983

Adirondack Diversity Initiative »
diversity@adirondack.org
Go to this site to access resources on terms, what to watch, what to read, what to listen to, what to do, and webinars that can help to move against oppression

Medical Support

Medical support and if you need forensic examination (rape kit)
It should be noted that the closest hospitals with access to Safe Examiners are quite far, we have identified this as a problem and working to find a solution to make it easier for students that need access to these services. Until then, these are your best options:

Alice Hyde Memorial Hospital »
70 Constable St, Malone NY 12953
(518) 483-3000

CVPH – Champlain Valley Physicians Hospital »
75 Beekman St, Plattsburgh, NY 12901 ·
(518) 561-2000

Gender Non-Conforming Individuals:

Pronouns 101: Learn More

What are pronouns?
It is a word that refers to people when they are talking about themselves or someone else (I/You/They/Them/She/Him…etc). Different people have different pronouns. Pronouns are part of someone’s identity so it important to make sure you find out pronoun preference and respect that.

Some gender-neutral pronouns include:
They/them/theirs
Ze/hir/hir Ze is pronounced like “zee”; Hir is pronounced like “here”
Yet, there are other pronouns and it is best to ask.

Why is it important to respect people’s pronouns?
Never make assumptions, someone’s pronouns are not always clear. It is important to normalize asking people for their pronouns whether that is within a new introduction, an event or through intake forms. Asking people for their pronouns is a way to show respect for their gender identity. Being called by the wrong pronoun can make someone feel disrespected, alienated…etc.

It is a privilege to not have to worry about which pronoun someone is going to use for you based on how they perceive your gender. If you have this privilege, yet fail to respect someone else’s gender identity, it is not only disrespectful and hurtful, but also oppressive.

What if I make a mistake?
It happens. Make sure you correct yourself and say, “I’m sorry, I meant (correct pronoun).” Make sure you apologize and move on, but do not put too much attention to it, because it could make that person feel uncomfortable. Do not make them feel responsible for comforting you.

If you notice someone is referring to another student/colleague/individual with the wrong pronoun feel free to quickly correct them if it is appropriate in that situation. If not, make sure you check in with that individual after awards and make sure they are alright and ask if they want you to talk to that person and remind them about the correct pronouns to use.

How can I help?
Normalize sharing your gender pronouns. Attach them to your email signature. Introduce yourself with pronouns. Include gender pronoun preference in intake forms. Start meetings or events with peoeple sharing their gender pronouns. Practice using other pronouns so that you can incorporate them into you speech.

Definition of Consent

Relationships:

10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

From One Love Foundation

Understanding these behaviors can help you figure out if you’re in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship. Many times, these behaviors are used to gain power or control and can have a negative impact on your well-being or day to day life. In some cases, these unhealthy behaviors can escalate to violence. If you feel like something might be off in your relationship, trust your gut and get help from joinonelove.org/real_time_resources

Intensity
Having really extreme feelings or over-the-top behavior that feels like too much. Examples are rushing the pace of a relationship, always wanting to see you and talk to you, and feeling like someone is obsessed with you.

Jealousy
An emotion that everyone experiences, jealousy becomes unhealthy when someone lashes out or tries to control you because of it. Examples can be getting upset when you text or hang out with people your partner feels threatened by, accusing you of flirting or cheating, being possessive over you or even going to so far as to stalk you.

Manipulation
When a partner tries to influence your decisions, actions or emotions. Manipulation is not always easy to spot, but some examples are convincing you to do things you wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with, ignoring you until they get their way, and using gifts and apologies to influence your decisions or get back in your good graces.

Isolation
Keeping you away from friends, family, or other people. Examples can be when your partner makes you choose between them and your friends, insisting you spend all your time with them, making you question your own judgement of friends and family, and making you feel dependent on them for money, love or acceptance.

Sabotage
Purposely ruining your reputation, achievements or success. Examples can be making you miss work, school or practice, keeping you from getting school work done, talking about you behind your back or starting rumors and threatening to share private information about you.

Belittling
Making you feel bad about yourself. Examples can be calling you names, making rude remarks about who you hang out with, your family or what you look like, and making fun of you – even if it’s played off as just a joke.

Guilting
Making you feel guilty or responsible for your partner’s actions. Examples can be making you feel responsible for their happiness, making you feel like everything is your fault, threatening to hurt themselves or others if you don’t do as they say or stay with them, pressuring you to do anything sexual you’re not comfortable with.

Volatility
Unpredictable overreactions that make you feel like you need to talk on eggshells around them or do things to keep them from lashing out. Examples can be mood swings, losing control of themselves by getting violent or yelling, threatening to hurt you or destroy things, and making you feel afraid of them. This can also be lots of drama or ups and downs in a relationship.

Deflecting Responsibility
Making excuses for their behavior. Examples can be blaming you, other people or past experiences for their actions, using alcohol or drugs as an excuse, using mental health issues or past experiences (like a cheating ex or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior.

Betrayal
When your partner acts differently with you versus how they act when you’re not around. Examples can be lying to you, purposely leaving you out of not telling you things, being two-faced, acting differently around friends or cheating while in a relationship with you.

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

From One Love Foundation

Healthy relationships are ones that bring out the best in you. Even though no relationship is perfect, healthy relationships make you feel good almost all of the time and generally bring you up and not down. Here are some characteristics and behaviors of a healthy relationship. Keep in mind that with all of these behaviors, there’s a threshold for when it becomes unhealthy. For instance, loyalty is great, but at a certain point it can be unhealthy if you are being loyal to a partner who continuously disrespects you. At the end of the day, the below characteristics in healthy relationships make you feel confident and supported.

Equality
You and your partner have the same say and put equal effort into the relationship (instead of feeling like one person has more say than the other). Examples are feeling like you are heard in your relationship or feel comfortable speaking up, making decisions together as opposed to one person calling all the shots, and equally compromising on decisions in your relationship to make the other person feel important or respected.

Loyalty
When your partner is reliable and you feel confident that they have your back. Some examples are when your partner is respectful and faithful, sticks up for you, doesn’t take sides against you but helps you see the middle ground, and keeps your secrets safe. In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to test the other person’s loyalty, because you just know it’s there. Sometimes people say, “We all make mistakes” and, “Nobody’s perfect” to make excuses for disloyalty. If you find yourself saying that often, it’s a red flag that the relationship may not be healthy.

Honesty
Being truthful and open with your partner. It’s important to be able to talk together about what you both want. In a healthy relationship, you can talk to your partner without fearing how they’ll respond or if you’ll be judged. They may not like what you have to say, but in a healthy relationship, a partner will respond to disappointing news in a considerate way. Some examples are having good communication about what you both want and expect, and never feeling like you have to hide who you talk to or hang out with from your partner.

Taking Responsibility
You and your partner are both responsible for your own actions and words. You both avoid putting blame on each other and own up to your actions when you do something wrong. Examples are when your partner genuinely apologizes for their mistakes, avoids taking things out on you when they’re upset, and tries to make positive changes to better your relationship.

Independence
Having space and freedom in your relationship to do you. Examples are when your partner supports having friends and a life outside of your relationship and not needing to be attached at the hip or know every little detail about your life.

Comfortable Pace
You and your partner allow the relationship to happen at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you. Oftentimes, when you begin dating someone, you may feel that you’re spending all of your time with them because you want to – that is great! But be sure that nothing feels imbalanced and rushed in the relationship. In a health relationship, nobody pressures the other to have sex, making the relationship exclusive, move in together, meet their family and friends, get married, or have a baby. When you do choose to take these steps, you both feel happy and excited about it – no mixed feelings.

Compassion
Feeling a sense of care and concern from your partner and knowing that they will be there to support you, too. If you’re in a healthy relationship, your partner will be kind to you, they will understand and be supportive of you when you’re going through tough times, and they will lend a helping hand in times of need. An important caveat is that it has to be two-sided and displayed equally. You should never feel like someone is taking advantage of your kindness.

Respect
If respect is present in your relationship, your partner will value your beliefs, opinions and who you are as a person. Examples are complimenting you, supporting your hard work and dreams, not trying to push or overstep your boundaries, and sticking up for you.

Trust
Believing your partner wont do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship. Examples are when your partner lets you do things without them, has faith that you won’t cheat on them, respects your privacy online (like who you text and Snapchat), and doesn’t make you go out of your way to work hard to “earn” their trust.

Communication
If you can talk to your partner about anything – the good and the bad – this is a sign of a healthy relationship. Examples include feeling like your partner will listen to you when you need to talk, they are open to discussing further, and not feeling judged for your words or opinions.

How To Help A Friend Who May Be In An Abusive Relationship

From One Love Foundation

1. Calmly start a conversation on a positive note. Find time to talk to your friend one-on-one in a private setting. Start by giving your friend positive affirmations and complimentary statements like, “You’re always so fun to be around. I’ve missed you!” Once your friend feels comfortable, you can begin calmly voicing your concern for your friend. It is likely that they feel as though things are already chaotic enough in their life, so to best help them, you will need to be a steady support with whom they can talk openly and peacefully. If you don’t panic and do your best to make them feel safe, then it is pretty likely that they will continue to seek your advice. You don’t want to scare your friend by worrying, starting an argument or blaming them.

2. Be supportive. Listen to your friend and let them open up about the situation on their own terms. Don’t be forceful with the conversation. It may be very hard for your friend to talk about their relationship, but remind them that they are not alone and that you want to help.

3. Focus on the unhealthy behaviors. The focus of the conversation should be on the unhealthy behaviors in the relationship and to provide your friend with a safe space to talk about it. Sometimes, our instinct is to immediately label the relationship as “abusive” to drive home the severity of the situation. This instinct, however, can cause your friend to retreat and shut down. Instead, focus on the specific behaviors you’re seeing and how that behavior makes them feel. For example, saying something like “It seems like your partner wants to know where you are a lot and is always texting and calling – how does that make you feel?” pinpoints the specific behavior and gets your friend to think about how it makes them feel. You can also gently point out that certain behaviors seem unhealthy and be honest about how you would feel if someone did it to you. This is one of the first steps in getting your friend to understand what is and is not an appropriate behavior in a relationship. Help them to understand for themselves that something is off about the relationship, and acknowledge that their feelings are legitimate.

4. Keep the conversation friendly, not preachy. Very few people in abusive relationships recognize themselves as victims and it is likely that they do not want to be viewed that way. If you want to be helpful, make yourself emotionally accessible and available to your friend. One way to reassure your friend that you are not judging them is to normalize the situation. Talking openly about your own experiences with relationship troubles will help them feel as though they are not alone. Be careful not to derail the conversation and keep the focus on your friend’s situation. Try to make it feel like an equal exchange between two friends — not like a therapist and a patient or a crisis counselor and a victim.

How To Help A Friend Who May Be Abusing Their Partner
From One Love Foundation

1. Talk to your friend about it. Always think of your own safety first, as it might be dangerous to confront someone who has been physically abusive. If you see, hear, or find out about a friend being emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive toward someone else, and you feel comfortable intervening, say something or do something. Start with gentle questions like, “How have things being going between you and [partner] lately?” The goal is to get your friend to admit that they are feeling stress and that they could use some help dealing with that “stress.”

An abusive person is extremely unlikely to respond positively to being told that they are an abuser. Going along with your friend and pretending it is stress might get that person to accept help faster than trying to get them to admit they are perpetrating relationship abuse. An expert may be able to do so, but you risk endangering the survivor if you press too hard on an abusive person to make them admit they are a perpetrator of relationship abuse. Talk to other friends about what you’ve seen and heard, and work together to come up with solutions.

2. Know where to refer your friend. If your friend will admit to being “stressed,” offer to go with them to a behavioral health or a mental health counselor. Normalize mental health treatment by telling your friend about a time you needed help, or someone else in your family needed mental health counseling. Plan in advance where you could go together for help. You can find out by asking the campus violence prevention office or the campus behavioral health center, or by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The best thing you can do as a friend or loved one is to encourage them to get help from a professional.

3. Emphasize how important it is that your friend not use violence. Tell your friend that no matter how bad things get, including if their partner has cheated on them, insulted them, or done other unfair things — there is never a reason to hit or hurt them. You can let your friend know that excessive drinking does not excuse use of violence and that having a difficult childhood is no reason to hurt someone else.

4. It’s important to know that many abusive people do not realize that they are being abusive. An abuser may believe that they are being sweet, caring and loving when trying to “protect” their partner, or think that to “show how much someone means to you,” you must act jealous. Alternatively, they could know that their behavior is inappropriate and/or criminal, and feel like they just can’t control themselves or don’t care about what happens. If you think a friend is being abusive in their relationship, it is vital that someone speaks with them about their behaviors. While it is important for you to try and approach them about this, they may not want to listen. If possible, have them receive counseling for their behaviors. If they are not being receptive, it can be helpful to speak with other people in their life that they admire (a coach, teacher, parent, etc.). Explain to those people what you are seeing and ask them to speak with your friend about how they need to change their behaviors, and why they should change their behaviors. Some of the signs of an abusive personality include: not accepting responsibility for their actions, difficulty tolerating injury, if someone hurts them they think it’s okay to hurt them back, and inability to communicate about emotions.

5. Abusive behavior can stem from a number of different risk factors. Past trauma, codependency, a sense of abandonment, familial rejection or neglect, inability to communicate about emotions, lack of validation from outside parties, and objectification of women are all risk factors for abusive behavior.

One Love Break Up Plan

From One Love Foundation

View PDF »

To Read:

Some Boys

Patty Blount

What Happens Next

Colleen Clayton

The Mockingbirds

Daisy Whitney

To Watch:

13th

2016 (Netflix)

Big Little Lies

2017 (HBO)

Audrie & Daisy

2016 (Netflix)

Roll Red Roll

2018 (Netflix)

Miss Representation

2011 (Netflix)

Queer Eye

2018 (Netflix)

I Am Evidence

2017 (HBO)

Outside Man

2012 (Netflix)

The Hunting Ground

2015 (IMDb TV)

Support for Survivors

Male Survivors

Consent & Rape Culture

Healthy Masculinity

Trauma & How to Support Survivors

Intersectionality

Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships

Stalking

Childhood Trauma & Resilience

Bystander Intervention